Fool’s Day

Fool’s Day jokes

1. He was born on 2 April - a day too late

2. Brains aren’t everything. In his case, they’re nothing

3. He came home soaking wet from a drive-in car wash. He forgot to take the car

4. I was so confused this morning that I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, trying to remember where I’d seen myself before

5. My brother is so stupid, when he gets amnesia he actually gets smarter

6. What makes you so stupid? I don’t know. But whatever it is, it works

7. Stupidity often saves a man from going mad

8. A pessimist is someone who sees a cloud in every silver lining

9. A pessimist is a man who gets a clean bill of health from doctor, then demands a second opinion

10. A pessimist is someone who feels bad when he feels good for fear he’ll feel worse when he feels better

11. I have to tell you that things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse

12. My brother is a complete pessimist. He carries a card in his wallet that reads , ’In the event of an accident- I’m not surprised’

13. A pessimist is a person who has had listened to too many optimists

14. An optimist is a man who gets married at eighty-five and then buys a house near a school

15. An optimist is someone who starts filling in his crossword puzzle with ink

16. He’s the eternal optimist. If he fell out of the window on the fortieth floor, as he passed the twentieth he’d still be saying, ‘So far so good’

17. Never borrow money from an optimist. He always expects to get it back

18. He was so snobbish, he wouldn’t even ride in the same car as his chauffeur

19. My wife laughs like a cackling hen. I’d get rid of her if I didn’t need the eggs

20. You might as well laugh at yourself once in a while - everyone else does

21. -I heard a new joke the other day. I wonder if I told it to you?
       -Is it funny?
       -Yes.
       -Then you haven’t

22. Money can’t buy happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places

23. " A joke is a form of humour enjoyed by some and misunderstood by most"

24. "I hope you live as old as your jokes"

25. The oldest joke I know is? when Eve asked Adam:"Do you love me?" and he replied:"Who else?"

26. "He who laughs last doesn't get the joke"

27. "Show me a man who laughs when everything goes wrong and I'll show you an idiot"